Can Guys and Girls be "just friends"?
This is a question that has plagued me since middle school. I have always had mainly female friends (I would say between 80% and 90% of the friends that I have had since then are girls). I have always had at least one "best" female friend as well. In fact, I can mark certain periods of my life by who that girl was.
I think part of the reason for this is my personality. I am very much the talker. I sometimes would rather just sit at home and talk about life than go out for a big evening on the town. I am also much more analytical, emotional, and sensitive than your average guy.
I am not saying that it hasnt been difficult or awkward with certain relationships, but thus is life. No matter who your friends are, there are issues that come up that you have to deal with. They are different when the friend is of the opposite sex, but issues are issues...you deal with them and go on with life. The hardest issue to deal with in this case is when they get married. Most of my female friends from college now have husbands and families. I am still close to them all, but the dynamics have changed drastically, and for the most part, I am just as close to the husbands as I was the girl.
I have even tried to make it a point to have more male friends in my life (with little success). I was at one time under the impression that it wasnt healthy to have any close relationships with females. I still analyze that thought and have different views on it at different times, but now, especially as I am older, I view my interaction with the opposite sex in a very different way than I did when I was in undergrad. I know that when I talk to a girl, it is not for the sole purpose of trying to hit on her (whether she thinks that or not), as opposed to when I was a college boy looking for dates.
Let me know your thoughts...I can talk about this topic in great length, but I will keep it short for now.
posted by Kevin Yates @ 8:25 AM
9 comments
9 Comments:
I definitely think guys and girls can just be friends. It's a lot easier to say this b/c I'm married. If I wasn't friends with guys, I'd be limiting my interactions by 50%. I love meeting people so I have lots of guy friends. Actually, I often find it more relaxing and comfortable to be around guys than girls.
lol i have gotten in this conversation so many times.. I dated this guy who always told me that i had to watch When Harry Met Sally- and i did- but i wasnt convinced lol... i have a lot of guy friends back at home and some of them i wouldnt ever ever date
Rachel,
I sense that around girls too (the comfortableness)...the problem is that I have found myself at times not even knowing how to interact with guys.
I dont "think like a guy"...my thoughts are too analytial, and more complex than most guys. When I am making a decision about my life, I think through all of the possible outcomes from whatever different options that I have. I like discusing how I feel about something, or discussing emotions...I am often driven by emotions rather than logic...most guys do none of that, so it leads me to have a hard time relating.
Dont get me wrong, I am not gay lol...and I do love sports (watching or playing), hunting, playing playstation, competitiveness, all of the typical guy stuff...even the occasional night of watching t.v. instead of having a conversation (although that is not many times for me).
Erica,
according to the thoughts presented in "When Harry Met Sally", just because you wouldnt ever date them, doesnt mean that they havent, at least at times, wanted to date you.
i have dealt with that (whether or not we should date) in a few of my friendships with girls, but I would, for the most part, agree with you too. I would not say that it is universal either...at least from my perspective.
i am also someone who has a lot of guy friends. i have tried to increase my "girl" friends in the last couple years and have been happy with having those relationships too.
i think it's definitely possible to remain just friends. but just b/c you're just friends, doesn't mean you aren't going to second guess the level of your relationship at some point or another.
steve and i have a great relationship in the fact that he has a lot of girl friends and i have a lot of guy friends. we just accept and trust each other. works out very nicely.
Since the author of this entry is one of my bestest friends, and a guy, I'd say a simple, "yes". :) I think there are always challenges, especially given the different gender dynamic, but every friendship has challenges.
In regards to Harry and Sally, which is one of my favorite flicks, the one statement that I'm pretty certain is true, is that at some point in a guy/girl friendship, one or both of them have toyed with the thought of dating the other. It may be dismissed and never mentioned or addressed, but nonetheless, that statement is probably pretty accurate.
Kevin has many guy characteristics (trust me!), but he isn't your typical guy. But, he's one of the greatest friends I have!
Erin,
It is nice when that works out.
I have been in relationships in the past that couldnt stand my female friends, and I have been in ones that loved them.
I think the trust level is important for that to work.
Rose,
AWWWE Thanks!! Kudos and back at ya! I appreciate the props.
I also appreciate that you back up my "i do typical guy stuff" comment.
I'm optimistic. I say, yes, guys and gals can be just friends. I think it's great that you follow your heart, Kevin. I do the same thing! (Jason tends to be my logic for me). I have a hard time around girls b/c I never know what they're thinking, which makes me think the worse. I get very nervous and self-conscious. Around most guys, I feel more relaxed and can just be myself. Weird.
Thanks for the encouragement Rach...by looking over the comments here, I would say that (rather optimistic or not) I have no trouble being friends with girl :).
I have to try to watch my decisions at times because I do follow my heart so easily...it is good, but it can lead to issues too. I shift into logical mode when I feel I need to. The funny thing is, when I give out any kind of counsel, I shift into logic mode almost automatically.
It has been brought to my attention that one of the reasons that it might be harder for me to be friends with guys is because of my competitiveness. maybe competing for the attention of girls, I dont know. because i have no problems being friends with girls, I usually have their attention, though not the typical attention that guys strive for.
Hey Kevin,
Rosie's Jules here...when I was dating my husband, it was long-distance romance. Ugh. Not for the faint of heart. Anyhoo...I had been friends with another guy, John, for about ten years. John and I worked at the same place but not together (different parts of the building). We did all kinds of stuff together...concerts, movies, you name it!! And generally, after those movies, etc...we'd end up hanging around a Denny's or Waffle House, of whatever was open all night, talking about every conceivable subject...and ultimately we ALWAYS ended up discussing this, and I really believe that somewhere in our own minds (as Rosie said...), although it was never really discussed...we both very strongly toyed with the notion of becoming a couple. I'm thankful that it didn't turn out that way, because my husband is a gem, and he's also a Christian, and I am a Christian because he and his parents were very instrumental in leading me to Christ while I was dating him! So, obviously, I might still be floundering lost out there without their influence.
But John wasn't the only one. I have always found myself drawn into relationships with guys moreso than gals. I don't know why...I think guys are just more laid back. I do think that you're on to something with the competitive thing. I really do.
I have girl-friends that I adore (Hey Rosie!), but when I was single, I had more guy-friends than girl-friends. It helped, as a freshman in college, that I was a little sister at a frat! Ha! But even though I was everyone's buddy (John's words), I think I had designs on a good dozen of them at some point. There were guys that I was friends with, and his girlfriend would come along and slobber on his face, and I would be so jealous...not always because of "him" but because it just made me wonder what was wrong with me that I was just "the buddy..." Make sense?
And it's easy for me to say what I'm about to say, because I am off the market, and dating isn't a concern of mine...but I think that if, as a single person...a single person interested in dating/marriage and such...I think that if you find someone that has the total package of common interests AND shared faith, you've really GOT to ask yourself some serious questions...about where you want that friendship to go. I mean, I can say this now because I've been married for over 10 years, but marriage is just SOOOOO much more than you realize before you are actually in it!! We're talking ups and downs, disappointments and achievements...children, and in-laws, and deaths, and illnesses...and I don't say that to be morose, but it's really a serious commitment, and you have to have alot more going on there than lust, infatuation, a shared appreciation for Muppet movies, or cross-country skiing, or whatever it is that you're into...Know what I mean?? I think you HAVE to consider your "friends" at some point. Because if and when you DO marry, that bride (in your case) will be your God-sent helper..."the two shall be one"...you can't be any closer to anyone than to your spouse, so you had better be friends first and foremost!!!
But hey,...jmo...:O)
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